We already know that bullying in schools is epidemic. Recent suicides related to bullying, especially of kids who self-identify as gay or who others perceive as gay, have shed new light on the issue and we rightly call for solutions. Why has bullying reached such a crescendo? There is no doubt that bullying is occurring in schools, with middle schools and junior high schools being particular vicious. If we really take the time to look around and listen we can surmise that bullying is on the rise in every public venue.
Politicians bully each other daily, holding legislation hostage to their own egos and selfish agendas. Bosses bully subordinates. Mothers and fathers bully each other and bully their children. Corporations bully consumers, without whom the corporations could not exist. Why are we surprised when children bully anyone they perceive as weaker than them?
For those of you who are urban from birth, let me explain chickens. You have six chickens living peacefully in their enclosure for a long time and one day one of the chickens catches a wing in the wire surrounding the enclosure. Even if the chicken manages to wrest itself free of the wire the other chickens begin to peck at the injured chicken until they kill it. For the chickens this behavior is simply instinct – cull the weak. It often seems that bullying one’s way to the top of whatever height one is scaling at the time replaces civil discourse and behavior. Everywhere our students look they see examples of adults who bully and are rewarded for the effort.
It is more efficient to describe the children in school who don’t get bullied. Those who do get bullied include
· Small kids
· Shy kids
· Fat kids
· Poor kids
· Gay or lesbian kids
· Religious minority kids
· Black kids
· Brown kids
· Nerdy kids
· Loners
· New kids
· Smart kids
· Dumb kids
· Ugly kids
· Pretty kids
· Big-busted girls
· Small-busted girls
· Kids with big ears or noses
· Kids who wear glasses
· Kids with freckles
· Kids with red hair
· Skinny kids
Let us begin our serious attack on bullying by deciding to counter every move of every bully in our adult lives. Demand that public officials behave out of honor and duty, not self-interest. When they don’t do so, vote them out of office. Counter your bullying boss with complaints and lawsuits. Provide them a vote of no confidence. Don’t spend your money with companies who bully you and if you don’t think you have a choice because the company holds a monopoly in your area – telephone companies, cable TV companies, cell-phone companies and the like – then organize protests, write letters, put pressure on them to be responsible to the people who pay their salaries. Organize a boycott of their products.
Influence your own extended families to provide a safe environment for children. Report child abuse, no matter who perpetrates it, to the appropriate authorities. Demand that the adults in your life treat you respectfully, regardless of your relative position on the hierarchy.
Two things have to happen in schools to stop the bullying. First, all of the adults involved in the school have to value all of the children. Coaches can’t scream, “Pussy, fag, and little girl to their male ball players.” Teachers can’t turn a blind eye, and therefore signal tacit approval, to bullying. The adults in school need to be brave and determined and relentless in demanding civility and fair play. Second, children need to be taught to counter the bully. It must become”cool” to call out the bullies. Teach the bullied to shed their cloaks of victimhood. Teach the bullied to literally step into the space of the bully and tell them, “No more!” Bullying is a choice and far too many adults benefit from the spoils of being a bully. Bullies share a characteristic. No matter where they are in life at the moment, beneath the façade of the bully is a coward. When confronted, the majority of cowards skulk away.
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